March 12, 2019
I choose to share a super deep part of myself with all you readers today. I will not share my deepest inner soul at this time because that’s between me and GOD!! Sharing too much is how problems occur. Not sharing enough is how dreams die. I guess this is a form of resurrection for my spirit, soul, heart, and body. “God bless the dead”.
Journal Entry: Monday 01-15-2001 @ 0202
Love, a 4-letter curse yet so many words are attached: fear, anxiety, doubt, loneliness. Uncertainty is love’s greatest accomplice. You love someone but you’re not sure of how they feel. You want and try to believe that they feel the same about you as you do about them. You see signs that they don’t and signs that they do but you ignore those that they don’t. Then fear of unseen humiliation sets in. You go crazy just because of the movie playing in your mind which you star in, produced, and directed. You can’t shake the images which are not created from reality but anxiety. Then you start to act out those images in your life with no true foundation. Love, what poets dream of on paper and what people don’t understand. A bleeding heart worn on the outside to be viewed and touched by all cannot bleed and stay warm forever. Eventually, it grows cold. Love, the ultimate mystery and possibly greatest killer of our time.
Journal Entry: Saturday 01-20-2001 @ 0124
Dreams, how far can they go? I want the world to see me one day. I want my words to be put to music and heard. I want to develop my natural talent of dancing and show it to everyone. I want to be adored and admired by many. It would be like sweet revenge for me to all those that don’t believe in me. I know I’d have fun doing it. All the hard work, all the criticism, I think I could handle it because I’ve put up with that most of my life. Who knows, maybe it’ll happen. I’ll try my hardest to make it happen.
: LIFE :
Journal Entry: Saturday 07-27-2002 @ 1946
[had not accepted Jesus Christ in my heart at this point; FYI]
I am in Ocean City with wondrous waves crashing before my eyes. It’s a cloudy day but it’s still a serene sight. I don’t know how I feel at this point. I haven’t seen or spoken to . . . in a few months. No, I’m not talking to anyone new. I guess it’s because I don’t think I can handle any more rejections. I can honestly say I am lost. I don’t know what I feel or how I should feel. I’m out of “the house”. I have a job. I’m struggling with bills but I’m making ti work. I have a roommate. I should be joyous, right? Why do I still feel inadequate or better, helpless? I know that I have to look inward for happiness and not out but I am still a slave to my thoughts and spontaneous reactions to situations I have no control over. Where am I? Who am I? Where am I supposed to be? I know these questions shouldn’t be asked and I have to let go and just be. Why is that so hard for me? God in Heaven, Creator of all, brethren to all: I call on you now for guidance. The guidance to shatter all torturous thought and devour this constant pain. I’ve whispered this before but now I’m calling on Your strength and wisdom, that I know is also in me since we’re the same, to arise with fierce determination.
Time is then
Time is now
Time is forever
Time is now AND later
Time is a natural infinite endeavor
I have bared a deep part of My Soul for “whomsoever”. Life has many twists and turns. If we truly give up then how can we ever get to a place to tell our haters/naysayers f*** you? Hey, we talk about keeping it 100%. I’m just starting to truly show it to Myself. If this isn’t for you then ok, it’s not for you. I strongly believe and know that there are a multitude around the world just like Me and We are weary from being told WE are wrong.
“Goonies never say die”
“E.T. phone Home”
~Alicia R. Shipe~
Temporary Vessel to, for, by, with, and Through a Permanent Spirit -Vesseled Fire-
Isaiah 55:3-5 – Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; And I will make an everlasting covenant with you—The sure mercies of David. 4 Indeed I have given him as a witness to the people, A leader and commander for the people. 5 Surely you shall call a nation you do not know, And nations who do not know you shall run to you, Because of the Lord your God, And the Holy One of Israel; For He has glorified you.”